Why Don't I Feel Holy?

Discipleship Part 1
Andrew K. Fox
Year of alignment

We have talked about being a 'carrier' of vision that affects the way you walk. We have looked through a childish example of dot-to-dot where all the days ordained for you were written like a dot before you connected each one.

(Hebrews 10:1-15)

In the 1600's England had a civil war between the Royalists known as Cavaliers and Parliamentarians known as Roundhead. King Charles 1st was beheaded and Oliver Cromwell led the Commonwealth. In the battle of 1648 a large cannon sat on the wall of the Royalist stronghold St. Mary's in Colchester. The Roundheads charged and the cannon fell smashing into many pieces. Two verses were written that commemorate the Royalist defeat: 'In sixteen hundred and forty eight, when England suffered the pains of state, the Roundheads lay siege to Colchester town, when the King's men still fought for the crown, the one eyed Thompson stood at the wall, a gunner deadliest of them all.' But the second verse is remembered as a nursery rhyme for children from 1810 not as a large cannon that fell but an anthropomorphized egg that was human-like: 'Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, all the King's horses and all the King's men, could not put Humpty back together again.' Something great was smashed in such a way it could not be restored.

We are living in a time that is a consequence of its own making. Minority groups, ethnic groups, cultural divides and religious organizations are on high alert listening for anyone who may slip out a word that could offend. A Redneck can call another Redneck a Redneck but if you call him a Redneck it is wrong. I am using this as a mild example of other expressions but not advocating that we call each other names. The English language is in a constant state of flux. Sir Christopher Wren built St. Paul's Cathedral in London. King George 1st told him it was amusing, awful and artificial. Wren was thrilled at the compliment 300 years ago. Amusing meant amazing, awful meant awe inspiring and artificial meant artistic. A hundred years ago I could say you looked 'gay' meaning you were happy but now it means homosexual and if I use it the homosexual community think I am homophobic. It is the same for the accusation of being anti-Semitic, racial or gender intolerant. It is not just the language that is in flux but what it means and to what group of people. Hebrews explains something that is largely subjective in its interpretation in the life of a believer.

The first explanation is that Hebrews tells the believer 'you are not becoming holy by degrees but have been made holy through the sacrifice of Christ once for all.' The second is that the world is still full of unbelievers who have the opportunity of 'being made holy through the same way you were made holy.' This is not a contradiction but a statement over one group and an invitation to another group.

My point is not who it is applied to but what it means to Humpty Dumpty who fell from the wall and could never again be what he used to be whole and complete or holy. There are a number of self help books that are more self destructive. One of them proves that anything wrong with your children can be traced back to the fault of the parent. As much as this is true in part it is not completely true or God could be blamed for the sin of Adam. We were taught that holiness was found in how we dressed and behaved but this contradicts what God said to Moses 'I am who I am.' I am not holy by the way I act, what I say, where I go, what I do, who I mix with but I am holy.

This was not an epithet applied to King Richard 'the lion heart' because he acted like a lion in battle or an observation of how God looked seated on the throne surrounded by a sea of crystal glass with twelve foundations.

God has crowned his celestial angels with unblemished sanctity in the habitation of his glory but they are less worthy in their own created nature than the one they see. Their light grows dim in his presence so they cover their faces and feet. Angels are not corrupted like mankind is but they are created nevertheless. The call of 'holy, holy, holy' is not a description of the trinity but a mounting revelation that has no end. Not like a CD stuck in one place repeating itself but never ending cascading waterfall fresh yet unchanging. Each time they cried 'holy' it was new and revealing. They did not cry out any other attribute of God 'eternal, eternal, eternal' or 'faithful, faithful, faithful' because they could see the centrality of which God is 'holy, holy, holy.' When we experience something for the first time it creates a 'first time' experience that can never be repeated because the next time it is familiar. But the holiness of God the angels cried out was always a first time experience.

Have you heard preachers, teachers and composers say or sing 'there is something about you that draws God?' This is simply not true. If it is my hair then I will not be able to draw God for long. If it is my physical condition I will be lost. If it is my knowledge then God becomes a father who will only accept me if I graduate. If it is my worship I become the middle child who cannot get his father's attention. There is nothing about you that draws God. All your sacrifices and offerings do not draw the attention of God. He does not desire them. So Christ set aside this way for a new way.

What attracts God is Christ in you crying out 'here I am' or 'Abba Father.' It is not you that have made you holy but Christ in you that is holy.

How can we be holy as God is holy? Bring to an end your life and be crucified with Christ so you no longer live and allow the abundant life of Christ to live through you.

Deuteronomy speaks about one putting a thousand to flight and two putting ten thousand to flight. Two can only put ten thousand to flight when the one understands who he is. Two unsure people cannot put a lame dog with one eye to flight. Coming together as churches does not draw God unless you have come together in yourself.

(Song of Songs 4:4) "Your neck is like the tower of David, built with elegance; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors."

One neck but a thousand shields. No one marries an ugly bride. I have never counseled a bride groom and heard him say, 'her face looks like she has been chasing a parked vehicle but I love her anyway. She is 400lbs but I'll learn to circumnavigate on the honeymoon. Every bride is beautiful.

Something has changed in you. You used to glare but now you forgive. You used to send out daggers with your eyes now there is gentleness like a dove.

The hair of Samson may have been cut off but it did not fall out. When you get knocked down there is strength to get back up. You will never go bald.

You have a cutting edge about you.

Your words are no longer cynical but expectant.

It is not a question of what you believe but what you think about what you believe. But all of this is not from an old fallen nature like Humpty Dumpty shattered and smashed forever but a new nature that is the Spirit of Christ in you. You have been made holy.

Most of the time we experience and understand something that we cannot find a dialogue for. Some of the dialogue we have been used to needs to be changed for a new dialogue. To 'get right with God' is a cultural slander on true theology because once you have been made righteous with the righteousness of God you cannot be made unrighteous. To want 'more of God' is an accusation against the goodness of God. To say one man has more of God than the next man brings into question the grace of God. To say 'I want more faith' is an exposure that you have not even experienced a mustard seed. To say 'I need to read the Bible more' or 'I need to pray more' is motivated by an Orthodox or Catholic penance and very rarely a deep hunger for God. Salvation but not as you know it Salvation defies all known realities of physics.

(Example) The small item can be engulfed, included and taken into the larger item. But salvation is that the larger item has been given to the smaller item. The identity of the small item is no longer called what it used to be but by the name of the larger item even though at times it does not look like it. Holy God now lives in the holy temple not made with human hands or the will of a husband and wife but born of God. You have been made holy.